Motives.

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Guess who randomly started fasting today?
Me.
I’m randomly fasting today.

This is my first official fast, prompted by my friend Mela Kayleen.
I’ve tried to fast several times before but my discipline needs divine assistance.

Anyway.

I jumped on this opportunity because I’m finally ready to shed these old thoughts and habits.
I want to become the woman I am in my head.
And I need God’s direction and presence to serve these things notice.

So I’m being really intentional about cutting down on social media, tv shows, and being distracted by idle behavior in general.
I’m aiming to carve out time specifically to LISTEN to God, set some goals, and read/write obsessively.

(Can’t be the woman I want to be if I don’t act like it.)

So today, I decided I would read a bible verse or two to get me started. God led me to read a bit about King Solomon. Nothing really grabbed my attention until I came to this verse in 2 Chronicles 1:10 :

“Give me the wisdom and knowledge to lead them properly, for who could possibly govern this great people of yours?”

Those words jumped right off of the page and grabbed me. God told Solomon that he would give him anything he asked for. ANYTHING Solomon wanted, he would’ve received. He could’ve asked for riches (like I would’ve), fame, victory over enemies or any other superficial thing you can think of.

Yet, he asked for the wisdom and knowledge to lead God’s people.
He essentially asked God to train him for his assignment.
He was humble, intentional, and thought about someone other than himself.

I probably shouldn’t have been shocked at this but I was.
My experience with people of power often included abuse, neglect, and selfishness. This show of humility was powerful…and startling.
I mean, Solomon is no longer just the son of a king at this point in the story. He IS the king. Of all the things he could’ve asked for, he asked for something that wouldn’t benefit just his family’s legacy but would benefit NATIONS and GENERATIONS to come.
That show of humility was not what I was expecting at all.

It takes a truly meek and compassionate heart to realize that:

1. Despite your upbringing or high opinion of yourself, you don’t know everything.

And

2. It’s not about you.

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I don’t know about the rest of you, but that was definitely a #HeartCheck for me.

What are my motives?
What is the driving force behind what I SAY, DO, THINK, and CHOOSE?
Who benefits from these decisions?
I had to reevaluate WHY I do what I do.
How much of my thoughts and actions align with my purpose?
I’ve always wanted to help others.
How does my life prove that?

While fasting will personally benefit me, this decision will also affect my family, friends, and everyone I meet or minister to in the future.
So I’m deliberately taking care of my mind, soul, and spirit because I want to function properly in my purpose. It’s a gift that keeps giving and healing as it goes along.

You see, Dear Diamonds, there are people attached to your purpose.
People who benefit from every trial, shameful moment, or difficulty you face. Nothing you’ve gone through will be wasted, UNLESS, you continue to allow yourself to be distracted.
Don’t delay your calling!

Are you just going through the necessary motions of life? Or are you LIVING ON PURPOSE, with the full knowledge that what you choose now affects the NATIONS and GENERATIONS assigned to you?

Who are you in this season?

More than ever, I feel convicted to continue on with this fast and cleanse myself of the things that distract and delay me.
It’s more than me just wanting to get my life together.
Walking in and on purpose will spread like WILDFIRE to all who are connected to me.
Now, more than ever, is a time to get and stay focused. Our time is rapidly approaching.
We must be prepared.

So I’ll leave you with this: One of my favorite Kendrick Lamar verses comes from his song “Sing About Me”. It goes:

I count lives all on these songs
Look at the weak and cry, pray one day you’ll be strong
Fighting for your rights, even when you’re wrong
And hope that at least one of you sing about me when I’m gone
Now am I worth it? 
Did I put enough work in?

Well did you?

Be your best selves today, loves.
As Cindy Trimm said in her book The 40 Day Soul Fast:

“Make sure everything you SAY, DO, THINK, and CHOOSE is lined up with who it is you truly want to be.”

Ask for wisdom, and live IN and ON purpose.
Think about who is counting on you.

With Love, Kay

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